A moving plea...

Dear Mr. Cough

I hope today you are alive and kicking, which is more than I can say for myself. I feel the need to address certain issues that I have with you.

Firstly, you came into my life completely uninvited. I said to myself, "self" and myself said "mhm?". I said "perhaps Mr. Cough is in desperate need of an overnight stay enroute to Qoboqobo. Lets allow him to stay for a night or two" and myself agreed. After 3 nights, I thought surely Mr. Cough by Friday we will part ways. You will go to Qoboqobo and I will go on with my life and enjoy talking, sleeping, gyming and laughing into the sunset. Alas, a week and a half later Mr. Cough you are still EVERYWHERE that i go. Kind sir, you have overstayed your welcome by a week. Please leave.

Secondly, the pain that you have caused me is completely unacceptable. Do you realise how painful it is to breathe currently, because my ribcage feels like someone was beating it with an iron rod?! Whenever I cough, I feel like I am about to cough rectum out of my mouth. Again, please leave, you have overstayed your welcome.

Thirdly, I am not one of those people who can sleep during the day at the drop of a hat. Thus, when night time comes I like to take full advantage of that and get some well needed rest. You, on the other hand, have decided to keep me up since you came. I detest anyone who makes me lose sleep. I have very hectic life and need to rest when the time comes. Needless to say, you are making my life a living hell by overstaying your welcome. Please leave.

Fourthly, It is completely unTop Billing to be coughing up phlem a the most inappropriate of times. Enough said. LEAVE.

Lastly, I do not like going to the doctor's office AT ALL. I dont know why but I just dont like doctors, dentists, hospitals, etc. You forced me today to go....there, and I do not appreciate it. VOETSEK AND LEAVE!

Don't make me write you another letter. It wont be pretty. Qoboqobo awaits your arrival keenly. Overstaying your welcome is rude so LEAVE DAMMIT and take your cousin Blocked Sinus and your 'special' sister, Flem, with you and make sure you never return.

Yours Faithfully,

Naar-of-you.