Time...

Okay, I have not posted a blog in a while. I know this. Dont look at me all judgemental.

The truth is.... I was ashamed. I made all sorts of promises last week that I did not keep. I dont like to not keep my word. I didn't make all sorts of stupid goals that were unachieveable. I just had absolutely no time to go to the gym. After work my life was so hectic I didn't know if I was coming or going. Take yesterday for instance, immediately after work (at 16h30) I went to fetch motherdearest to go do grocery shopping, then went to dance practise (not as active as doing Zumba, trust me) and then went to check up on a friend who is going through a very rough time. Her mama passed 3 days ago. I eventually got home just before midnight and getting out of bed this morning was again... a mission!

Many have suggested that I go to gym in the mornings. I appreciate that suggestion however it is impossible. I have tried it, and it doesnt work. Why mess with my brain when it wont function so early in the morning. I only really wake up at 15h00. Seriously.

So, I eventually went to gym yesterday and it was SOOO much fun. I forgot what it was like to smell sweat and chlorine mixed together (that intoxicating smell brings warm fuzzy feelings to me), sounds of treadmills, men screaming like mental girls giving birth. I love it, I love it!

What I can report on though is that, I have been trying to cut down on my portions and I have succeeded. I am not there yet but I will get there. I have bought some fruit that I will travel with should I get hungry or feel like snacking while I am busy doing life. I feel quite proud. grin

A friend of mine last night told me to 'control (my) appetite' and being the craziness that I am the claws came out and I defended myself. My defence was valid because I told him that I had not eaten since 10am, and when 9pm came and I was freaking starving! However, when I eventually thought about it today I realised he was just keeping me accountable. I had fallen slave to my appetite and suddenly my appetite was this GREAT BIG MONSTER that threatened to eat ME if I did not feed it. But the GREAT BIG MONSTER needs to be tamed. If I cant tame it on my own, I will rely on those close to my heart to help me tame the GBM. So, I guess a Thank You is in order G! Thank You for having my back even though I will hate you for telling me what's what, I am still greatful.

RIP aunty PB. You were, are and will always be loved by your family. They greatly miss you already.

Life is one big random event....

I still have problems saying out loud how old I am. I used to dream about being this age but now that I am old, raggedy, fast approaching sell my by date 25 I have mixed feelings about it. I definitely understand it now when older women say that they enjoy being older because they have a better sense of self. I would definitely not trade that feeling for anything but, eish, it tough.

Eventually, I will stop moaning blogging about my age and until that day you guys will have to wait with baited breath.

I thought I would find reasons to motivate me to lose weight and I thought it would be cool to also find random reasons to motivate me to lose weight. My reasons are as follows:

1. It saves petrol. Until just a few weeks ago I never knew that if a car is carrying more weight it will use more petrol. So now I will try to lose weight and also not give lifts to ANYONE. I don't care if you are on the side of the road dying and breathing your last breaths, promising me a million English pounds if I take you to the hospital. No. Not happening. Accept your fate. Die.
2. Good ol' fashioned... vanity. I want to put on a tank top and be so excited to show off my muscular arms. My muscles will be so hot that when I put on a shirt, it will tear. I want a six pack. I want to put on a bikini and think "all you b*tches want to be me right now huh?"
3. Career advancement. All my life I have been wanting to be a presenter on Top Billing. I swear if I ever die having not had the opportunity to be on Top Billing I will go on a hunger strike in heaven. Stru! I had an opportunity to audition for them earlier in the year and I think I did a very good job however I just took up the WHOLE screen when I watched myself on YouTube. I actually think I should have called this blog "Help me get me a job on Top Billing". I want to be BFFs with Joanne Strauss, Jeannie D and Basetsana Kumalo. THEY NEED ME IN THEIR LIVES!
4. I would like to do the Two Oceans Marathon before I die a proper death.
5. Finally, overall its cheaper to be thinner especially when buying clothes. When I go to a clothing shop for a sale, you can bet your left butt cheek all the sizes there will be big enough to fit my right thigh.

No single day is like another so probably the reasons why I want to lose weight will change and more will be added. It goes without saying that I want to lose weight for health and energy reasons as well. Life is random and so should be your outlook on life. Being too serious will give me wrinkles and a mental breakdown - then I will be committed to a mental institution. Those overalls do not flatter my bum at all.

It is finished!!

Its been a whole week since I last blogged. I can't believe its been so long! Good grief! I wrote my last two exams this week and not only am I sleep deprived but I have gained all the weight that I had lost in the two months I was working out consistantly. And it has taken me all of 3 weeks to gain it back. You may ask, "Why did you gain all that weight back in such a short space of time, Naledi?", and I will answer "I have been eating so much that you would have sworn that I had only 3 weeks to live because the world was going to end and go KABOOM into a million trillion pieces."

I know I said last week that I would only eat junk food in front of people and I have been faithful to my word, however now I realised that I have barely eaten fruit and veg. I think I have only been surviving on carbohydrates. Carbs are like worms in your tummy. They just make you want to eat more and more and more. As easy and as nice as it would be to just say "that's it, I have decided, I am not going to eat carbs anymore.... forever" its not going to happen. I need carbs to survive and other reasons I stated in previous blogs. I have reason to believe though, that I may have been eating carbs in excess so I will try not to. This is what i curently look like :

and this is how i would like to look:

Yes ladies and gentleman, I have no interest what so ever in looking like Kate Moss on cabbage soup diet (please excuse me while I vomit). I just want to look fit. IS. THAT. TOO. MUCH. TO. ASK. FOR?

Allow me to get deeper here. My problem with food is not surface thing. Food has always been the center of everything in my life especially when growing up. I have heard that values and things must be taught to a child when they are still young, so that way they will grow up with such values. Growing up, when I felt sad I would eat, when something good happened we would celebrate with food, when we would be bored at home we would eat. Even deeper than that, I was watching Oprah the other day and they were talking about a book called "Women, Food and God". Oprah spoke about when she was growing up her grandmother used to tell Oprah to shut up and not cry if she was sad or upset or hurt. I think that's a lot of people's stories. I am not trying to victimise myself but unless you acknowledge something and deal with it you are not going to move past it. It will always be in the back of your mind. I am now an adult and I cannot keep holding on to things that may or many not have happened. At some point in life one needs to move on. So, now this week I decided if I am bored I will look for something else to do accept for eating. If I am sad, I will not look for comfort food I will speak to God. I also tried to initiate a new thing with my friends and it kinda fell flat on its face, I would say to friends instead of going out for 'coffee' perhaps we could meet and walk by the beach or something. That way we save money, we burn calories and enjoy the beautiful city we live in. Clearly I am the only one who feels that way.

So, tomorrow I am definately going to the gym, even though the change rooms are not in use. I bet you thought I was going to say "I am off to the gym right now! and I am going to work out like a beast - RAAAHH I AM WOMAN HEAR ME ROAR!" hey? Sorry for you. I have not slept in two weeks. I need some sleep to function. Those who function on 3 hours of sleep are a marvel to me. I want to be them when I grow up.

I have no excuses for the next two months. I have no assignments, tests or exams to do for the next two months. I have no class to rush off to. Its summer and I am on vacation baby! I still have to work but that goes with the territory - bleh. I am making little yet practical changes that will in the long term change my life for the better. The weight is not going to melt off in two weeks but it will go and it will stay off. The power of life and death is in the tongue and I chose to speak only good and positive things.

What small changes are you going to make?







It's the weekeeeeeeeend baaaaaaabyyyyy!

I can think of at least 46 songs that are about Fridays and the anticipation of the weekend. I remember Aaliyah's song "Its Friday (hey!) and I'm ready to swing, pick up my girls and hit the party scene...blah blah". Yes its friday, and yes, I am excited that I am not going to be waking up at a ridiculous hour to face the traffick so I can come and spend 8 hours of my day doing random stuff to make other people richer. In theory, I can do what I like. Reality though tells me otherwise. This weekend I have to study my butt off! I am writing two exams next week namely; Economics and Commercial Law.

I went back to university this year after two years of taking a break. Previous to that I was studying to become an accountant and I was failing quite convincingly. I.....was....miserable to say the least. I was miserable because a) I was failing b) I didnt understand what I was learning c) I hated what I was studying and d) I was possessed with some demon. When I was in high school I was excelling in Accounting. I was first in the grade for a number of years and I enjoyed it. I already had displayed some business skills when I was younger e.g. selling sweets, chips and biscuits at school and selling ice lollies at home. When my mother saw my report card and noticed that I particularly excelled in accounting it became a given that I would study to be an accountant after high school. The prestige of being an accountant also swept me off my feet.

I enrolled to Rhodes/Fort Hare. First year was fine - I passed everything. I went on to second year accounting and my own version of hell began. I had never failed before in my entire life. I would not really put too much effort into my studies but I would do pretty well. I was shocked and gutted when I soon discovered that I had to actually learn for my tests and exams (hard, too!), and but could still fail! GASP!

For a good 3 years I tried with this stupid degree called BACHELOR OF ACCOUNTING. I decided to take a break one year because I had to pay for my studies now and I was living on my own for the first time and and and. The next year something happened which I believe was divine intervention because I had been toying with the idea of changing degrees and perhaps majoring in Management or Economics. It was tought to decide to change my degree because I heard my mother's voice about starting something and not following through with it and how much of a bad habit that was. Also, WHAT WOULD PEOPLE SAY??? Then the week of registration at varsity I got into a car accident where I broke my right wrist. For two and half months I could not use my right hand which meant I had to do everything with my left hand, meaning I worked at a slower pace than a snail's pace. I couldn't write properly - could barely type. And believe me, living alone with only one arm is no child's play. I had to clean my flat, do the washing, cook and wash myself all with one arm. Needless to say, that year (last year) I could not study.

And so the journey of finding out what it is that I want to do began. My friend, Bez, had told me numerous times that she did not see me as an accountant. My personality was that of a people person. Cutting a long story short, I did alot of soul searching and I thought this year let me, at least, study and get a normal Bacher of Commerce degree. I thought "SCREW WHAT PEOPLE THOUGHT, I HAVE TO LIVE WITH MYSELF 24 HOURS OF THE DAY... THEY DONT!".

In doing my courses this year and working with one of the directors at my office for a project on developing and upgrading a town, I discovered that I am really passionate about seeing people succeed and live a better life. I am motivated by people who are not lazy to wake up and do something to change their world. If there is a way of assisting people in getting themselves out of poverty then sign me up! After a bit of research i decided I want to go into development specifically town/city development. Majoring in Economics would be very much advantageous. This means that I will now have to add an extra year to my studies in order to graduate with Bachelor of Economics. I dont mind that at all. I just have to now break the news to my mother who is expecting me to finish my first degree at the end of 2011. sigh.

Yay! Indeed it is the weekend but if I want to make my life on earth worthwhile I need to work hard to achieve the vision that I have. The picture is not quite vivid yet but I do know the man upstairs has got plans for me. Until then, trying to obtain my undergrad is enough for me for now.

Hollywood Schmollywood

So, I love reading about celebrities in Hollywood and the lives that they live. It is actually a sick obsession that I have. I tell you not a day goes by without me going on OMG on yahoo or the hollywood gossip. The main reason for this is just watching people who VERY successful in their chosen fields and how they live on a daily basis. Take Kim Kardashian for example, she is very rich, influential and successful in being..... famous and publicising her body for the hell! They seemingly have it all. They have the money, the looks, the fame, their opinions are taken as the gospel truth and that's where the danger lies, I believe.

Some of these people have such warped views on life and yet they are celebrated and idolised by the world. Lady Gaga has been voted as the most influential person alive for 2010. I dont, for the life of me, understand how that could have happened! She goes to a baseball match wearing a panty, bra and a baseball shirt. She swears at people and pulls middle finger and all but has sex with someone at the stadium and yet people call her a role model?!

Beyonce, who I will be the first to admit i love some of her songs, sells sex on a silver platter and yet they call her image squicky clean. Have you seen her outfitts and her dance moves on some of her videos and live performances? Her lyrics make me blush and that's hard to do since I am black.

Paris Hilton, Kim Kardashian, Eve, Britney Spears, Lindsay Lohan, Charlotte (from Sex and the City) and a million other celebrities ALL have sex tapes! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH THIS PICTURE?! Young girls grow up watching these women because they are idolised by the media. What Beyonce says goes.

I think Hollywood presents a plastic view on what the American dream is. This, unfortunately, is being adopted by South Africans. There is nothing healthy about being constantly shown as a sex symbol. We cannot have young girls grow up thinking that that's all there is to being a successful woman. We cannot have young boys grow up to think women are all supposed to be these sex kittens. We cannot have a society that will only recognise your talents if your main talent is being a sex symbol. It is sick and twisted. I mean really now! Some of these people are really broken inside and the only way they find value in themselves is using their bodies. If you had to take away the riches, fame, fortune and sexy exterior what are they left with?

I think, we should all look the best we can but there must be limits. If your core person is not looked after you will surely crumble and die while the world goes on to the next hottest thing.

I heard this today from some random guy on tv: Alot of things can happen around you and to you but only you can decide what happens in you.

being a Virgin....

My first entry on this blog I spoke about losing weight physically. Well, I have been attempting this for years and years. No jokes, I think I have been trying to lose weight since I was 11 or 12. There is not a single moment in my life where I have never been overweight. I have heard and seen it all in terms of being marginalised and teased because I am overweight. I remember my childhood friends used to call me Fatzilla (this was just after Godzilla the movie came out) and it used to hurt me quite a lot and I never used to understand why I was being rejected by my so called friends because I was not skinny like them. I would starve myself and try all sorts of things to lose weight and I wanted instant results. If i did not lose 10 kgs within one week then I would be dispondent and give up and binge eat until I felt sick.

I remember my mother would try the cabbage soup diet and make me go on that diet. I'd try it for 2 days and would want to slit my wrists because the soup comprised ingredients that I did not like to eat. I dont know why but I cannot stand to eat soup.When I was younger, we used to get beaten and not spanked. Being spanked was white man's thing. My mother used to beat me into eating soup and I just could not handle eating the darned soup. She eventually gave up one day through divine intervention and decided she will no longer force feed me soup. The other prominent ingredient is cabbage. Cabbage would deserve a whole entry to describe how much I detest that vegetable. Some idiot saw it fit to even have miniture cabbages and call them 'brussel sprouts' like they are exotic or something. Cabbage is a vile vegetable (along with spinach, broccoli and most green veggies) and smells bad, never mind the potency of my farts once I eat that veg. That fart can kill a whole family instantly. An entire generation wiped out completely. But anyways, I digress. So, I gave up the idea of losing weight through the cabbage soup.

About two years after high school, I started varsity and a friend of mine and I started going to gym. We went almost on a daily basis and I was very health conscious. This was the same time where Oprah launched her diet challenge and lost loads and loads of weight. I was motivated from all angles and thus lost more than 10kgs. Needless to say, I have since gained it all back plus interest, VAT, provisional tax, STC, king's tax and every other kind of tax you can think of.

I have been going to gym for the longest time on and off but I fail at losing the weight and keeping it off. I recently joined Virgin Active (the best gym EVER - I think) and I have been having the time of my life there. I did notice some loss and even other people have commented. The problem however is that I cannot go consistantly because I work and study and have an overall hectic existence at the moment.

My biggest issue is food. Yes, I said it. FOOD. I have a love hate relationship with food. When food tastes good, it tastes darned good and I just have no sense of portion control, as a result if I dont go to gym for just one week I will gain back all the weight I lost when I was active. I am tired of being unhealthy. I dont like carrying an extra person around. I have shattered some myths about fat people - that is a blog entry for another day.

Since I have not been to gym in nearly two weeks, I can feel my pants are already getting tight again when they were lose just the other day! I feel I am a compulsive eater. Yesterday I ate so much I wanted to throw up. The whole time I was eating I was telling myself to stop and pace myself but I just would not. Its sickening to think my drug of choice is food. There is so much I want to do before I die but I fear that if I dont lose the weight purely for health reasons I will not live to fulfill my destiny and that would be cheating God and myself.

So, today I made a decision to not eat junk food alone. Rather eat it with people around where I will pace myself. Unfortunately the foods that I binge on do not include spinach, lettuce and cauliflower. I dont sit and think "Yho, I am craving some carrots right now, yuuummmmyyy". This blog will hopefully help me keep myself accountable and also go to the Virgin Active as often as I possibly can - as soon as i get over this sickness of mine.

Those of you who are reading this blog are now obliged to keep me accountable. Portion control is important because unfortunately at this point in my life I am unable to only live of fruit veg and steak. Eating healthy food in South Africa is crazy expensive.

A moving plea...

Dear Mr. Cough

I hope today you are alive and kicking, which is more than I can say for myself. I feel the need to address certain issues that I have with you.

Firstly, you came into my life completely uninvited. I said to myself, "self" and myself said "mhm?". I said "perhaps Mr. Cough is in desperate need of an overnight stay enroute to Qoboqobo. Lets allow him to stay for a night or two" and myself agreed. After 3 nights, I thought surely Mr. Cough by Friday we will part ways. You will go to Qoboqobo and I will go on with my life and enjoy talking, sleeping, gyming and laughing into the sunset. Alas, a week and a half later Mr. Cough you are still EVERYWHERE that i go. Kind sir, you have overstayed your welcome by a week. Please leave.

Secondly, the pain that you have caused me is completely unacceptable. Do you realise how painful it is to breathe currently, because my ribcage feels like someone was beating it with an iron rod?! Whenever I cough, I feel like I am about to cough rectum out of my mouth. Again, please leave, you have overstayed your welcome.

Thirdly, I am not one of those people who can sleep during the day at the drop of a hat. Thus, when night time comes I like to take full advantage of that and get some well needed rest. You, on the other hand, have decided to keep me up since you came. I detest anyone who makes me lose sleep. I have very hectic life and need to rest when the time comes. Needless to say, you are making my life a living hell by overstaying your welcome. Please leave.

Fourthly, It is completely unTop Billing to be coughing up phlem a the most inappropriate of times. Enough said. LEAVE.

Lastly, I do not like going to the doctor's office AT ALL. I dont know why but I just dont like doctors, dentists, hospitals, etc. You forced me today to go....there, and I do not appreciate it. VOETSEK AND LEAVE!

Don't make me write you another letter. It wont be pretty. Qoboqobo awaits your arrival keenly. Overstaying your welcome is rude so LEAVE DAMMIT and take your cousin Blocked Sinus and your 'special' sister, Flem, with you and make sure you never return.

Yours Faithfully,

Naar-of-you.

In the beginning

So, I have had this gnawing, irritating voice inside of my head to start blogging for a long, long time now. 11 months to be exact. One thing you will learn about me soon enough is that if you nag enough times, I will eventually give in and do what you nagging me to do just to get you off my case. There are so many things I have so say about everything and I feel I must apologise to those I may offend in advance. This is the first and last apology I will make with regards to offences. If you don't like what I have to say then dont read it. I dont have time for hate mail so please, do yourself a favour and dont even comment if you are going to be sending negativity my way. I went through the trauma of starting a blog and you dont know the effort and time it took for me to set up this blog! (deep, snotty sob) Yes, I have been told numerous that I am quite the drama queen.

The title of this blog may sound a bit like a weightloss blog but its not. Weightloss will be part of it but mostly about my life in (mostly) its entirety. Let me make this clear, I AM trying to lose physical weight but all the other emotions and thoughts that may have added an extra 20kgs to the scale.

Allow me to introduce myself. Permission received? Thanks. You are too kind :)

I am Naledi and I reside in a small coastal city called East London in South Africa. Less than a month ago I turned 25 and I had a meltdown of note!!!! I realised that I was turning a quarter of a century old. DO YOU UNDERSTAND HOW OLD I FELT?! When I was young, I envisaged myself to be a world famous accountant and laughing all the way to the reserve bank (coz I'd be so rich I'd only bank at the reserve bank). As it turns out, I am far from achieving both.

This is just the beginning of who I am. 25. confused. multi faceted. very opinionated.

Welcome to my blog. Have a seat. Take a load off. Read. Enjoy. Laugh. Be blessed.