WW67

Larders

Womb War 67 is threatening to start and soon there will be bloodshed everywhere! These past few days have been hell. I been eating everything but toe jam (yum. totally appetising). I am just hungry all the time. Thursday till yesterday was just mayhem in the menu department. But today, I have been fairly good. I had a small packet of chips though. WHY MUST I CRAVE EVERYTHING WHEN I AM PMS-ING????????

Quick review of the last few days:

Thursday, I went back for more punishment and I'm convinced it is easier to give birth naturally to a giraffe than it is to workout with The Trainer.

Friday, I ate and ate. It was so cold, rainy and miserable and I was exhausted so I decided against going to the gym. So.... I ate some more.

Saturday: I was up at SIX AM!!!! "Who the hell does that on a Saturday moring??? WHO THE HELL????" is what I kept asking myself on the way to the gym. Only to find about 100 other crazy people do that! (excluding The Trainer who, by the way, whatsapped me at 8pm to make sure that I am going to the 6:30 class). Needless to say, I was a disaster. Besides the fact that I was still full from the night before and I am not a nice (understatement) person in the morning I could not do most of the exercises he was make us do. Out of 20 push ups they did, I did about 3. It was a sad sad sight. I just sat and laughed after a while. Oh yes, did I mention that none of the group members that The Trainer recruited for the biggestlosereffortthing rocked up, so I was the only fool who couldnt do the exercises. Then I had breakfast and ate crap the rest of the day (may I add, it wasnt volumes it was just crap food)

Sunday: after church I went to the gym. I was so tired, I only walked 2.5kms. I got off the treadmill, went into the sauna and steam room then I showered and went home. Upon getting home, I realised there was no electricity. Since its the week before payday I am broker than all hell. I bought good sould food that I ate until I couldnt breath. (DONT JUDGE ME, I'm being real).

Monday: Today, I have been relatively good with my food and water in take. BUT. I am soooooo lazy to go to the gym. I thought if I blogged and read some other blogs I'll get motivated.

I'll blog a little later about this weeks challenge and a review of the last few weeks challenges.

Xo
Mother Larder

p.s. weight has not moved. I still lost 3kgs. This week I hope to lose 2 kgs, even though the womb war rages on!

The pain...

I cant bend. Where my back muscles used be is only pain. My arms are heavier than lead. why???

Dearly Beloved

We are gathered here to tearfully say goodbye to Mother Larder. She suffered a great deal while taking her first class at biggest loser virgin active edition. She saw the light and this time she walked straight into it.

.....

So, the trainer worked me until I nearly vomitted. I'm not exaggerating. I had a couple of episodes where I had to stand for a while and concentrate very hard on not throwing up. Now when I tell all my friggin so called friends about my pain and expect sympathy, the egg heads tell me 'its good! It means you worked out'. In my head right now I'm projectile puking in their faces. Why do they not feel sorry for me!!!

....

And in other news... I just heard that a friend of mine passed a very difficult accounting test and she is now so close to getting her degree!! Well done your royalthinness!

Time to sleep now. I can't feel my bum.

Xo
Mother Larder

ps. When I looked briefly at my gym card yesterday I could have sworn it says 'vagina active'. It made me laugh so hard it was a good ab work out. Ha!
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OH HELL NO!

Terrible TERRIBLE day today!!! with regards to my diet that is. I just been making some adjustments to my diet and it worked for me. That is until today. UGH.

When I wake I am famished as hell since I started working out properly and so the first thing I do when I get to the office is to make my first cup of coffee then have my oats. Today however, when I got to the office there was a power failure and I had no back up plan. This completely threw me off track. I ended up having a WHOLE tin of pringles, I had 8(!) blocks of chocolate. I eventually had a healthy sandwich and that will probably last me the day I am so full. Weigh-in is in two days time for me and sabotaging like this was not a plan. But you know what I am not freaking out about it. I will just have to make it up by working my ass (literally) off the next two days. One thing I will say though is that I don't have as much energy because I haven't had enough fibre and fruit. I have cut down significantly on my sugar in take and eating all that chocolate today made me crash like a plane.

I have again failed at getting to the gym this morning. WHYYYYY can I not wake up???? I don't mind going in the evenings. I am more of a night owl. By the time I get home it is late and I still have to cook supper. I am trying the whole no eating 3 hrs before bedtime thing. Also, sometimes I have things to do after work and my gym closes at 9pm which means I cannot make it on time after meetings and errands.

So, from today I am on the OH HELL NO diet. This diet means I may plan in my head my meals and stuff but there needs to be some kind of action all up in here!

Second last note - I am starting a program of some sort tonight. It is an initiative that is being started by one of the personal trainers at the gym. He personally invited me (me and a million others got personal invitations - ha!) to start a weight loss group for people who are serious about losing weight. Tonight is my first session and I am keen to have someone who I will be accountable to.

Last note - a friend of mine (who is known as "the beast" because she gyms like a mo-friggin-fo) sent me some texts about her getting back into gyming. You see she has had car troubles for a good few months and has therefore been unable to go the gym. My heart completely goes out to her because the gym forms a major part of who she is. I hope she gets her car soon and we can share gym stories:) I digress. Last night she sent me texts below and I was killing myself from laughter and I thought I have to share...

"Have you ever heard of a wanna be soldier? Well allow me to introduce myself ... and how I received this honorarium title... I, The Beast, in some lapse of judgment took out to walk/jog 4 kms on Sunday on the open road. Mission was easily accomplished. Come Monday - I took on the fete of a 3km open road run and the morning earlier - I did yoga, stretched and some abs. When the evening came around push ups were the order of the day. Now I lay in bed....k*k sore. And that is how I earned my soldier stripes. The end"

She goes on to say that after day 1 she felt like Brain on Pinky & the Brain, she thought she could take over the world. she says "well turns out, I failed miserably. Pain is my middle name now. and my prowess has fleeted from me...... My muscles ache with the intensity of a migraine on a tender scalp"... Friggin funny hey!

Going to get punished at the gym now.

See ya soon!

Xo
Mother Larder

Poetry

I love poetry. I used to write alot of poetry but over the last couple of years I write once every 6 months. Recently my love for it has been rekindled. It moves me in a way that I cannot explain. I used to be part of the dance team at my church and it was always a dream of mine to dance to someone reciting a poem. Wouldn't that be beautiful:)

I am also falling more and more in love with art. I dont know but I could sit and stare at a piece for ages and marvel at the different textures, use of colours, shades and space.

I have had this poem in my heart for the last week now. Its so powerful.

Louis MacNeice - Prayer before Birth

I am not yet born; O hear me.
Let not the bloodsucking bat or the rat or the stoat or the
     club-footed ghoul come near me.

I am not yet born, console me.
I fear that the human race may with tall walls wall me,
     with strong drugs dope me, with wise lies lure me,
        on black racks rack me, in blood-baths roll me.

I am not yet born; provide me
With water to dandle me, grass to grow for me, trees to talk
     to me, sky to sing to me, birds and a white light
        in the back of my mind to guide me.

I am not yet born; forgive me
For the sins that in me the world shall commit, my words
     when they speak me, my thoughts when they think me,
        my treason engendered by traitors beyond me,
           my life when they murder by means of my
              hands, my death when they live me.

I am not yet born; rehearse me
In the parts I must play and the cues I must take when
     old men lecture me, bureaucrats hector me, mountains
        frown at me, lovers laugh at me, the white
            waves call me to folly and the desert calls
              me to doom and the beggar refuses
                 my gift and my children curse me.

I am not yet born; O hear me,
Let not the man who is beast or who thinks he is God
     come near me.

I am not yet born; O fill me
With strength against those who would freeze my
     humanity, would dragoon me into a lethal automaton,
        would make me a cog in a machine, a thing with
           one face, a thing, and against all those
              who would dissipate my entirety, would
                 blow me like thistledown hither and
                    thither or hither and thither
                       like water held in the
                          hands would spill me.

Let them not make me a stone and let them not spill me.
Otherwise kill me.

Perhaps in future I will post my own poems. We'll see. My poems are intensely personal and hardly ever let anyone read it. Its funny how I can bare my soul on this blog when most people in my life know me to be quite closed off. All I know is that I am lovering this space. My space. I feel like the artist in me is being uncovered. Expression of a battered soul through this medium. Perhaps this poem is so poignant at this point in my life because a new part, the true me is about to be birthed.

Going to Zumba tonight. Its not coming fast enough! SOOOOO excited to shake my ass. Much like Eminem said 'the way you shake it makes my tolly go badoinkdoink' - sick.

I feel like KFC...yummmo

Till later!
xo
Mother Larder

Power...

I read this quote today and it just oozed power like Idris Alba oozes pure hotness...

"Weightloss is hard. Being fat is hard. Choose your hard"

My birthday was good but it was very hard. It was my first birthday without my mother. It'll be my first Christmas without her. I never particularly liked Christmas but I always tried to make it good for her. This year, I'll draw the curtains, watch movies about weaves, pigeons, earthworms and short men. Anything to keep my mind off her.

Xo
Mother Larder
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Week 3 : 12 Week Challenge

As mentioned before, I failed miserably with my challenge last week of going to the gym twice in the morning. It's another week and I have an opportunity to make changes that will change my life forever. As mentioned before I have been reading a lot of blogs to keep myself motivated. As I was reading these blogs it suddenly hit me - because my health is at risk I have to make losing weight a major priority in my life. I do not want to be obsessive about it but I need to make it a priority. That is going to be a major challenge in my life because I have a tendency of being obsessive about something and wanting to do it all the time until I get sick of it or lose interest. My obsession mostly has to do with food. I remember a few months ago I went through a stage where I only wanted to eat Milk Tart. My supper would be milk tart and for dessert.... you guessed it! Milk Tart. Needless to say, I am not seriously over milk tarts. I would rather eat my toes than eat milk tart again. I did the same with pies before that.

My relationship with food is not the healthy. I believe that a person consists of body, mind and spirit. In order to have perfect harmony as a person the three elements need to be in sync with each other. If one element is lacking it throws the harmony completely off. It is like a three legged table. If one leg is too short or too long or weak then the table will not fully be able to carry out its purpose. This means that I need to make sure that I tweak every single leg to make sure that there is perfect harmony. Food fills some sort of void and clearly it hasn't worked because if it had the void would be filled and I would magically stop eating and I would carry on with life. Jada Pinkett-Smith was quoted saying that she grew up knowing food was for sustenance  and nothing more. Her grandmother drilled that into her and as a result, she does not go on binging episodes or starve herself for she fears she'll gain weight. She eats to fuel her body so that she could carry on with life. How legend is that??? If I should ever have kids I want to teach them that lesson. It is so valuable. Its really one way of curbing obesity in kids. It is a mentality that I am completely adopting.

I am also amazed at how there are so many people who are dying of hunger in the world yet there is also an epidemic of obesity. South Africa, I read, is the second or third fattest country in the world. How does that work??? The continent is riddled with poverty but we are still fat. The scale is really off. Something needs to be done and it starts with me. I don't know how, what, where, when but I need to do something. A friend of mine and I used to say we will change the world with one life at a time. I can't wait for the future. The future is here and it is now.

The challenge continues:

Week 1 - drink 2 litres of water
Week 2 - go to the gym twice a week before going to work
Week 3 - commit to six visits to the gym

My challenge with regards to the mind is to follow up on my varsity application.

Spirit - meditate more.

We'll chat later!

xo
Mother Larder

A round of applause please

Okay so yesterday I managed to wake up at 5.30 am!!! I feel so proud of myself. Not only did I wake up, I got out of bed and went to the gym. When I got to the gym I worked out. I thought I was being all hardcore until I saw people training for the comrades marathon. I then realised that I had not even touched the tip of an iceburg. In any regard, my bum is very stiff (so many jokes inserted here) so I feel like I worked out.

Epic fail on eating properly since Wednesday on my birthday. Its seems like everyone wants to feed u when its that time of year. Not only did I indulge in all things chocolate, cake and bad, I had enough alcohol to last my system 24 months (at least it feels like it). I don't drink much but when we went out for supper I was forced to drink some beverages that I never knew even existed! Needless to say the following morning I was paying the price.

And in other news... I lost 3 kg's!!! So now I only have to lose 64kgs. Easy enough - ha!!

On Sunday its back to taking care of my body, working with it in order to ensure it works harder, smarter and longer.

Much love to you Larders!!

ps. The theme for my dinner was trailer trash:)
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Call me Fierce. Tara Fierce

I swear I was beckoned into the after life by the proverbial light a few times today at the gym. I went to a class called FIERCE. Its a new class at the local gym. It was such a breath of fresh air! The music was more house than the rave music the instructors usually play. The instructor had rythm and wasn't stiff. Her moves flowed. They weren't structured and rigid and 'learnt'. They came from within her. I had a lovely time!!

That said. I wanted to vomit about 30 minutes into the class. Firstly, my stomach was tender from the lunch I had (normal sandwich). Secondly, I drank 3 litres of water in a space of 5 hours (yes, I'm a moron). So, in as much as the class was fun. I felt like death half the time. The class had a bit of dance, zumba, vbox and good ol fashion lunges, squats and sit ups.

Come to think of it, I think the problem started with what I had yesterday. Because I haven't been eating junk and then yesterday (excuse - birthday mania) I went beserk! I ate a little of everything and I still have a lot of everything left. Now, my stomach is acting up.

Tomorrow evening I am going out with a couple of friends for supper / cocktails and the theme is trailer trash. So keen. I hope everyone comes dressed according to the theme.

Epic fail so far with going to the gym twice in the morning. I'm going to try to go tomorrow morning though, just so I don't feel like a complete ass.

I so need new trainers!

Till tomorrow!

Here is my motivation...

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Weight...

I forgot to weigh myself! I just finished an awesome Zumba class!! I feel like my fitness levels have improved and feel slightly lighter. My knee is not giving me issues so when I weigh myself, I'm hopefully going to see less of me on the scale. I am currently reading various weightloss blogs and there is one in particular that I love to read in the mornings as that gets me going for the day. She is really motivated to lose weight. Her weightloss is not all champagne and strawberries and she is very real about it. I just worry though that she is a little obsessive about the scale. I don't wanna be that obsessed. Yes, I need to lose 67 kgs but I'm not gonna weigh myself everyday. As long as I see a difference in my fitness levels,clothing size and body tone - I'll be very happy. I sure hope this lack of obsessiveness lasts *evillaugh

Tomorrow I am coming to the gym in the morning. I'm dreading waking up already.

As I mentioned earlier tomorrow is my birthday and all I can think of is my mother. I really wish I had a better relationship with her. This will be my first birthday without her. I am hoping the weather will clear up from tomorrow. I want to go to her grave site on Saturday and spend some time there. It sucks like hell that she's not here.

Till tomorrow.

Xo
Mother Larder
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Week 2: 12 Week Challenge

Hello Larders

The first week of the 12 week challenge was a success! I drank more than 2 litres a day - not because I was going out of my way to do so it just happened . I went to the gym last week Tuesday and I weighed myself and HOT DANG IT I got the shock of my life. I dont know why I keep getting shocked because I weighed the same weight I always have. I need to lose 67 kilograms in order for my BMI to not be considered "DANGER! DANGER! You are two days away from kicking the bucket" My funeral insurance will only payout after two years so I need to find a way to keep alive for at least two years and losing the extra 67 kg's would be a good start.

So tonight I am going to the gym (to work out of course) for my weekly weigh-in and I will report later if there is any change. *holding thumbs*

This week's challenge is to commit to going to the gym twice in the morning and three times in the evening. Going to Zumba tonight!! Zumba is one of my highlights of my week.

Tomorrow is my birthday and this weekend I will be celebrating turning 25 (again) so lets hope that I am able to resist all the yummy temptations.

Speak to you soon.

Xo
Mother Larder

Politics: A letter to President Jacob Zuma

When I hear the word 'politics', every fibre of my being wants to explode in anger!

South Africa has a very painful history. Many people have fought and died for independence from a crazy government. For that I am very grateful - the more I grow up, the more I learn about sacrifices made and the more grateful I become. At the age of 26, I am fast becoming disillusioned by the 'new' South Africa.

With this gratefulness comes great sorrow and anger. Shockingly enough, it is not about the "previous regime" but about the current state of affairs. South Africa has over 50% unemployment rate, we are the 4th dumbest country in the world, many people do not have basic health care privileges and we have a ridiculous crime rate. Over the past 19 years of so called free and fair elections, it seems a lot of things are getting worse rather than improving. Each year in February we have one of the most anticipated speeches coming from national government - the budget speech and every year we have the same kind of budget announced: education and health budget will be huge, taking up most of the pie and then all the other departments are allocated. The Auditor General (which is the official government audit company) will announce huge amounts of money that have gone missing, cannot be accounted for, stolen or money that has not been used and taken back to national treasury and yet the AG hardly EVER EVER qualifies financial statements of various government departments!!!! What pisses me off even more is that NO ONE IS EVER FLIPPING HELD ACCOUNTABLE! No one gets fired! They are ALWAYS investigating each other and the findings are rarely made public. Someone will blatantly and I mean BLATANTLY (without any shame) misuse public funds, "they get suspended pending an investigation" with FULL PAY! Sometimes these suspensions last up to two freaking years! So, they are essentially on holiday and the average South African citizen (who works damn hard to pay taxes) foots the bill!?! I don't understand how someone can sleep at night knowing that they have taken literally a starving child's right to be clothed, sheltered and educated (according to our glorious constitution) by stealing public funds.

Then you have our dear darling president (he lost street cred with me a loooong ass time ago - even before the whole "I showered after I had sex with her to prevent AIDS" WTF saga) who gave a speech rebuking those who criticise the ANC government. What a joke! Let me educate you a little Mr Pres: when you make promises and fail to deliver you will get criticised you neanderthal!! Service delivery under your administration - excuse my bluntness - has failed dismally. Your administration has brought so much shame to the many heroes who died fighting against a tyrant government that in itself was riddled with corruption. By the way, I pay taxes which pays for your ass to live in a house that is worth 100 of millions as well as the upkeep of your 6 wives and 3000 kids AND I vote. If I don't like what you are doing then you can bet your bottom dollar I am going to complain and complain and complain until you do something about it! While we are at it, when you get your people to write you immaculate speeches, please make sure they write words you can pronounce. Big words are not going to make you seem more intelligent when you can barely pronounce them!

So, if a large portion of the annual budget goes toward education surely education in South Africa should be improving? Not at all. In fact it is getting worse. Now you need to only know a third of stuff in order for you to pass grade 12. A third. ARE YOU KIDDING ME??? If Trevor Manuel or Pravin Gordhan only knew a third of their work in high school and varsity - would they have the jobs that they have now? What kind of intellectuals are you bringing into the job market? Would you trust a doctor that only passed his education with merely a 33.3%?? Come on now. Get real! You say you want kids in underprivileged schools to have a fair chance at passing. Here are some ideas:- a)get rid of corrupt education officials that steal money from the department, b) get educated and competent people into the right positions c) employment in government should not be based on political connections or sexual favours (I have proof of this) d) let the next generation of South African citizens be a priority because in all honesty, a dumb generation is being groomed e) when you get rid of the thieves please ensure that schools are getting enough teachers, textbooks, stationery and sufficient teaching tools f) get some food all up in the schools again. Many kids go to school hungry as there is no money at home to buy food.

Come on Mr Pres. This is not about votes. This is not a popularity contest. It is about doing what is right, just and humane. Take your blinkers off and see that the very people you are leading you are killing. Remember the greatest leaders led by serving.

Sincerely royally pissed off
Mother Larder

p.s. Lets tackle health, security and the economy soon!

Whyyyyyyy?​????

Hello Larders!

I have a secret to share with you that I just recently uncovered! This is the number 455th reason why I want to be thin. Thin people don't get sick! This week a friend of mine caught some viral infection and she became very sick, her whole family got sick. Because I was spending a lot of time at her house I also started to get sick. YET, the thinnest person in the household never got sick. She is Tandi Newton thin but she never got sick. I AM MAD! For various reasons i) because I am sick and thinbit is as strong as a horse ii) I had to delay my 12 week challenge and focus on getting better. I have been sick now for nearly six weeks! But I am starting again. Small steps and changes for a longer and healthier life. Janet Jackson and Angela Bassett are the standard!

Upward and onward! Viva thinness viva!!

Xo
Mother Larder
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