What the heck?! The scale says I've gone up 500grams. Its supposed to say I've gone down 500grams at least!!! I've been good with exercising, been good with food, my clothes are not super super tight they are just super tight. Yet the DAMN scale says I gained. I. AM. NOT. IMPRESSED.
I can't wallow in this forever though, I've got to keep my mind focused on improving my fitness for the Surfers. I have just under a month left to prepare and so far its been dismal. I'm nervous. This is half a marathon. I would like to drop some weight before the surfers so there is less pressure on my joints.
I have 4 days to walk 14kms. This means I need to walk 4kms everyday till saturday. FUN.
I'm chatting with a friend currently and she is moving and shaking this year. It's really motivating me to not just lie there and do nothing. Its time to do something.
Which leads me to my next point. Today I had such a 'light bulb' moment. I been wondering why I always go 2 steps forward and 3 steps back with my weightloss. I realised that even though I said and have practised it (seldom times), I always have this mental block telling me something is bound to go wrong and thus I mustn't give my all. From a very young age I became best friends with Mr Letdown. As a result, I conditioned myself to not expect much as life and people and (dare I say it) myself have let me down so many times. I'm an optimistic-pessimist (oxymoron I know) I'm optomistic about other people and things that are within my control. If something is out of my control then I lose optimism. Now, I have no excuses to say that this person is hindering me or this circumstance is hindering me. To whoever will read this, I'll sound selfish but I don't care. I like myself. I want the best for me. I don't want me to have a half hearted life. I want to live in abundance. I have put myself in the back burner for so long that I don't even realise that I have become co-dependent. That has to be broken. No one else will live my life for me. People will walk in and out of my life but I will be with myself forever. I choose me, I choose life. There's no room for negative energy. Its all about life. I will have ups and downs but its most important to keep living, taking risks and having faith that God is betting on me. Words have bound me but words are and will set me free.
What a beautiful realisation. Be careful what you say to someone. You'll never know if your words tighten their chains or if they set free. Choose to be a vessel that helps to set free.
Xo
Mother Larder
Sent from my BlackBerry® wireless device
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