Larders
Full disclosure: I am not one who likes to talk about weaknesses and feelings and stuff. This entry is very raw and emotionally vulnerable and it stinks that I am opening myself up like that. It is however, a necessary part of losing weight - even if it is emotional weight.
I have been in a funk. A. DEEP. HOLE. FUNK. Let me describe how the last few months have been like for me... going under into theatre and having an angry doctor cut you open without anaesthetic, taking out all your insides, roll them up into a ball, play rugby with them and when angry doctor is bored, he puts them back in and uses a normal paper stapler to close me up. All this happening while I watch. Not gruesome at all I know. But that's the truth. Right now I have to go back to a real doctor and get my insides properly sorted out and get the wound sorted out because it's possibly infected.
I did not feel motivated to do anything. For various reasons. One, depression sucks. It gets you when you least expect it. Two, life happened and it happened like a Tsunami wave and now the wave has gone back to wherever and now has left ruins. Its time to clean up the muck and start again.
June 16th I was involved in a car accident with a friend's car. Unbeknownst to me, the friend's car was uninsured. A claim was lodged against the other party (she skipped a stop street) however the other party's insurance rejected the claim. I unfortunately did not have any witnesses and this meant that it was my word against hers. Friend's car has been in a bad state - unable to drive kind of bad state. It has never been a question of me not taking responsibility for my part in the accident. Trying to get finances to help fix her car has not been easy. I moved to JHB and decided to take a job that does not pay a lot to get experience and exposure in a different industry and position. What I get paid is pretty much a stipend and barely covers my living expenses. As a result banks laugh in my face when I request a loan. In the interim friend is stuck in East London without a car which has impacted on her working and social life. Our friendship?? Took a huge knock and maybe in years to come we will be good friends again. But my quest to find finances to sort her out still continues...
At the end of June, I moved out of where I was staying because I decided I'm a grown ass woman and I am ready to stand on my own. In some ways it was good, in other ways it wasn't wise. I got to drive on the freeway everyday! If you are a small towner like me, you will understand the thrill of driving on the continent's biggest freeway. I felt like a real Joburger. I loved hearing on the radio about Rivonia being backed up and I was in the thick of it or there would be a stationery truck on the N1 and I would have just driven past the truck. The hard parts were about me having to leave my place at 06:15 to avoid being stuck in traffic as my oldasscar overheats quickly. Winter here has been an absolute b&tch!!! I would be so cold that my bones would ache. One time, I got into my car, tried to wipe the fog from the windscreen. The fog wouldn't come off. And then I realised IT WAS A LAYER OF ICE!!! I died! dead. dead.
Remember me saying that my salary (insert ugly laugh here because what I earn doesn't really constitute a salary) barely covered my living expenses? Well I had to downgrade. The first thing that had to go was my gym membership. I am now a walker. in inverted commas. I haven't actually walked more than five times in two months. Three of the times that I walked was because Kit (my car) broke down and had to walk to work.
On the bright side, I now have my own flat! Albeit, I'm sharing with a friend but both of our names on the lease. IT. FEELS. AWESOME. More good news is that my sister and her kids are moving up to Centurion which is about 30 minutes from where I stay! I am so excited for her and her new lease on life.
Joburg winter mimicked a dark period in my life. Here is to Spring and Summer bring about thunder showers of blessings, happiness....Dear Lord I hope it is so!
We'll chat soon
xoxo
ML
