This (not so) little light of mine....

I had an epiphany the other day. I was house sitting with a good friend at her sister's place. We shared the same room and bed. (A little bit of background - I've been in survival mode for most of my life i.e. no wasting of resources as times are hard.) In the morning she put her bedside lamp on and carried on about her business. I got up and started looking for clothes in my bag for the day. I remember trying to figure out what was in my bag with the little light that I had for fear (or caution or apprehension or stupidity) of switching my light on as that would (I felt) waste electricity. Then I thought to myself 'myself? what if I switched on my lamp? I'd see much better'. Then I had a light bulb moment (pun here... get it? Ha!) I have spent the better part of my life in someone's shadow, trying to boost someone else and I remain in the shadow. It seemed like the right thing to do and it IS the right thing to do but it has been to my detriment. If I live off someone else's light then I'll be scrounging for crumbs whereas if I switch on my light I will have the opportunity to see clearer and find exactly what I want to 'wear' and be much more satisfied. It also strenuous on the other person as they may find themselves having to stretch out their light so that I can also see. But if I decide to put on my light, live off my light (not in a selfish way but the way I was destined) then I would be living my purpose. Most of all the world would not crumble because I switched on my light. The world would carry on. I'm not the world's saviour. I'm not Jesus, He got that part down. There's no need for me to take over. Come to think of it, its a bit condescending to think that others will not survive if I decided to switch on my light. Its selfish and condescending.

If that made sense, great! If it didn't - tough.

This episode of the ramblings of mother larder was brought to you by properasskickingmomentsexperiencedinjohannesburgbringingaboutclarity.

Speak to you soon

ML
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